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Two Energies

Just got an email from Roberto - singer/dancer/ choreographer with Carmen - containing a few images from back in the day. I hadn't seen them before and I got a bit emotional looking at them. We were so young, confident and 'of the time'.

I also recently went to the private view of Stella Cardew, an artist and friend of the family, . She's going 90 and creating what I believe, is her best work yet. The juxtaposition of these two energies - youthful ebullience/a lifetime's experience - is quite a handful for me at the moment.

I've been feeling a bit redundant and ageing this year. I'm pulling out of the mental slough that's mired me but it hasn't been easy. Keeping the faith alive takes a lot of energy and a certain amount of 'magical belief', for me at least!

What I strive for now is to progress as a person and artist. My fear of older age is that I become irrelevant. I'm still trying to be a better father/partner, make music that touches peoples hearts and . . . learn to express myself with more kindness and compassion. Now that's a tough one for me!

I guess these are fairly usual concerns as we grow older ( there are probably thousands of people out there wondering what the Hell I'm going on about ) but that doesn't make them any less difficult when it's our turn to face them.

So . . . there I am at 24, smiling and ready to own the world. Here I am now, 63, focussed on being the best I can be . . . and beginning to deal with the concept of me eventually not being here anymore. The difference? Not as much as you'd think.

Being a master of the universe is the only goal that's really fallen away. I realised the price was higher than I was willing to pay and being a 'drama queen' ( goes with the artistic territory ) I've always worried and flapped about everything.

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